Dragon baby

9-week Baby-Math: 

Countless crying fits
Several clueless-mommy moments
612 dirty diapers
68 sleep deprived nights
14 pounds to lose until my pre-pregnancy weight
7 baby visitors
4 movie/lunch dates with my m-i-l
2 daycare tours
1 nanny interview
0 regrets

This past summer, when I first told my manager at work about my maternity leave plans, her reaction was: "Wow, you're going to have a dragon baby!" According to Chinese astrology, 2012 is the year of the dragon, which happens every 12 years and people born in dragon years are supposed to have extraordinary personality traits. Dunno about that - so far, my two month old is an angel while he's asleep, a playful rabbit while he's fully fed and definitely a baby dragon, spitting fire and crying uncontrollably when he wakes up hungry.

Here are some of my favorite baby-isms so far:
4. Baby's sweet cooing sounds.
3. Nibbling both his fists at once, like a rabbit biting into an invisible carrot, when he's hungry.
2. His fascination with anything bright like ceiling lights.
1. Smile cues: tapping his cheeks or his chin makes him smile instantly. 

I'm at 9 weeks of being handed the invisible "mommy crown" and I can't say I feel like royalty. Parenthood is hard work. It's a constant tussle against time, germs, sleep, endless baby chores and the complexities of adjusting to a new person in your life. You know you really love someone when you change their dirty diaper and feel relieved that things are "normal" instead of feeling repulsed.

We've said goodbye to our spontaneous, carefree lives. Leaving home for 3 hours means packing the car like we're on a cross-country road trip. There's the diaper bag, the hot water thermos, the baby blanket, the extra baby blanket, the baby carrier, the carseat, the stroller, baby bottles, and I'm probably forgetting at least 6 other things. We end up declining any invitations to socialize with friends and we're probably going to spend new years eve watching  Netflix and eating takeout. We love traveling but we're probably not going to see the inside of an airplane for about 6 months.

Even so, I feel like a winner everyday. If the Mayan prediction was true and the world was truly destined to end last week, I can't say I'd feel at a  loss. Having a baby feels like life has come a full circle. I haven't checked every checkbox on my lifelist yet but I've crossed off the most important items.

So what makes all of these challenges bearable ? For me it's that moment when my baby just falls asleep and rests his head on my shoulder. I run my finger on his soft marshmallow cheeks, hold him close, give him a  hundred goodnight kisses and feel the weight of the world slowly melt away. There is something empowering and wonderful about holding a little person who depends on you so completely for his care. 

Before I had the baby I dreaded losing my independence and all the responsibility that comes with a child. After I've had the baby, I realize what a blessing and privilege it is to have the opportunity to watch this little person grow into somebody we'll be really proud of someday.

My only regret: why didn't I do this sooner ??? :)