Birthday blues, beaten black-&-blue.

When you get to a certain age, something terrible starts happening to you. And it keeps happening over and over again.

It's called "a birthday".

When you're young, birthdays are a wonderful thing. Balloons, birthday cakes, colorful candles, lots of presents, more privileges at home (my favorite one was getting to watch Remington Steele on Star Plus (India) at 13, Baywatch was still off limits). 

I never really had a problem with birthdays until I turned 25. That year I was so painfully aware of everything I wasn't: not in love, not married, not employed, not done with my education, not having a car, not having an 8-month emergency fund, not having my parents around me, not not not not not not not not. And even though things get checked off the Not-list, more nots keep getting tacked on and every year, birthdays become more brutal. The fear of growing old is depressing. Birthdays remind you of your age. Birthdays remind you of unfinished goals. And no matter how many times you tell yourself "Age is just a number", it's not. Hitting 30 was excruciating. I felt ancient.

But something wonderful happened last year on my birthday. 13th May 2012 wasn't just my birthday. It was also mother's day that year. And I was about 18 weeks pregnant with bubs. I think it was God's way of reminding me that I should be happy about being a mom rather than being sad about getting old. That I was born to be a mom. There couldn't be a better way of blowing off the birthday blues. I couldn't publically celebrate mother's day because bubs was still "a work in progress" :), but it was the happiest birthday I've had.



Bubs and I on the morning after he was born (October 23, 2012)

That was the first time I didn't care how old I was. Having bubs seems to have reset the birthday clock. I look at the world through my baby's eyes and everything feels new and wonderful. Something as simple as soap bubbles and squishy toys at bathtime is pure joy.

 

Bubs at a Cinco De Mayo party, May 2013

So to all my future birthdays: I'm back in love with you. 

I'm officially done with all my annual birthday moping. You will always be looked forward to, because birthday weekends are also mother's day weekends. I don't care if I am 33, 43, 53 or 63, I will love life because I'm mom to the most adorable child and that puts an end to all the nots on the Not-list.

Sure, it's inevitable that there will be some days I'll be sad about wrinkles, rebellious teens and aging but for the most part I will focus on counting the mom's day kisses instead of the birthday candles.

Bubs on Mother's day 2013 morning (May 12th, 2013)

Card that came with Mom's day presents from hubby & bubs

Happy mother's day weekend to all you lovely moms and happy birthday to me !