Typecast me not

Never thought I will say this, but I think I am a closet Salman Khan fan. How many other bollywood actors can claim to have played a buffoonish small-town cop (Dabangg, Dabangg 2) and a cool-cat super-spy (Ek Tha Tiger) convincingly in the same year ? I watched Dabangg 2 during Christmas week 2012 and thoroughly enjoyed it. The movie's simple format and common man lingo is both a delight and a relief after a string of flops produced under his family's production banner. Kudos to Salman khan for breaking the bollywood hero stereotype, stepping out of his comfort zone and deciding to play Chulbul Pandey: the crime-busting Robin Hood cop with a penchant for garish shirts and spontaneously breaking into loud song and dance sequences.

I noticed in the song subtitles that the word "Dabangg" means fearless. It is said that fate favors the fearless and Salman Khan's brave experiment has definitely translated into a goldmine of good fortune after embarrassing flops such as Yuvraaj, Veer and whatnot. 

For a few weeks post-partum, I toyed with the idea of taking a year long break to spend time with my new baby.  I eventually realized that a decision like that wasn't healthy for my personal happiness and equilibrium and I'd start resenting my choices sooner or later. So I took as long of a maternity leave as I could without having to quit my job. Wow, those 14 weeks went by fast.

Just one more day until the end of my maternity leave. I go back to work on Monday morning. I assumed that by the end of 3 months of being at home with the baby, I'd be itching to get out of the house but I have mixed feelings about the whole thing now.

While you're pregnant there's all this hue and cry about morning sickness, labor pains, episiotomy stitches and lack of sleep but no one tells you that the toughest thing about motherhood is letting go. Handing over your baby to someone else and walking away is probably the hardest thing I will do as a new mother. It's all very scary.

Sure, we have been lucky to have found an incredibly sweet, gentle, dependable nanny for our baby, right at our first nanny interview but there's no room for logic in a mom's heart. I worry that bubs will forget my face and refuse to recognize me when I get back home. Maybe he will get all confused and start assuming that the nanny is "mom" and I am the "nanny". Maybe she'll forget to change his diaper and he'll develop a nasty rash. Maybe he'll hit a big milestone like his first time crawling, while I'm away, and he won't want to repeat it when I'm home.
I'm a bundle of nerves. The thought of not being able to see and hold my little man all day nor being able to kiss those soft cheeks on-demand is paralyzing.

But the rise and fall of Sallu bhai brings to surface some important life lessons: dream big, take risks, never give up and don't let yourself be typecast. The world is made up of the brave and the keepers of status quo. There's no way the world would've fallen in love with Chulbul Pandey if Salman khan had stuck to status quo doing all those same-old, same-old glamorous Sooraj Bharjatiya and Yash Chopra films and shied away from his eccentric role in Dabangg. 

So while I may not be completely "fearless" about leaving someone else in charge of bubs, I choose to embrace this big change in life with optimism. I owe it to myself to at least try to make it work. Hopefully, things will settle into place and I'll learn to appreciate the time I do have with bubs. After all, life involves taking on different roles: wife, daughter, mother, sallu-fan, baby-song writer, blogger, colleague etc without being typecast into playing one single role.

Bring it on, Monday. I'll bring my Dabangg.